


feel you near

by demistories



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (sorta) - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Reincarnation, Trans Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, listen just. read it theres a lot going on, trans boy adrien !!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 13:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16138106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demistories/pseuds/demistories
Summary: i started this in october 2016. 2016!!!!!!!!!!! the h e c k. this is a gift for someone on tumblr but im not...sure who so ... hmu if thats you alkdsjfdisclaimer: i HAVE NOT seen s2 of miraculous ladybug and so if things in this arent accurate to s2 please dont @ me!!! im doing my b e s t. also this is a divergence from timebreaker so just. none of volpino happens. just go with it its fine its not a big deal i swear!warnings: a few mentions of blood, death, vomiting, anxiety. ask if anything else needs to be taggedenjoy





	feel you near

**Author's Note:**

> i started this in october 2016. 2016!!!!!!!!!!! the h e c k. this is a gift for someone on tumblr but im not...sure who so ... hmu if thats you alkdsjf
> 
> disclaimer: i HAVE NOT seen s2 of miraculous ladybug and so if things in this arent accurate to s2 please dont @ me!!! im doing my b e s t. also this is a divergence from timebreaker so just. none of volpino happens. just go with it its fine its not a big deal i swear!
> 
> warnings: a few mentions of blood, death, vomiting, anxiety. ask if anything else needs to be tagged
> 
> enjoy

At least the pain doesn’t start immediately. Adrien doesn’t think he would have been able to handle it if it had. He would’ve taken off the ring and sent it and Plagg on their way. 

He says that but he doesn’t think he’d ever be able to walk away from Ladybug like that. 

Even so, he’s in pain and wants to die.

* * *

 

When the pain first starts, he thinks he’s just getting sick. Which is a terrifying thought. Adrien puts being sick close to the top of his ‘Worst Things in the Universe’ list. Nothing gets his father’s attention like being sick. And Nathalie becomes particularly overprotective when he’s ill. Sick days don’t mean days off to sleep and relax, sick days mean days to  _ panic _ . The more he misses, the more he has to make up later, whether it’s school work or actual work. And being Chat Noir while sick is less than ideal. 

They don’t talk about that one akuma attack. 

Adrien can pinpoint exactly when the headaches start. It’s after Timebreaker. Ladybug won’t tell him what happened, why there are two of her for a while, or why she gets an empty look in her eyes for a second whenever he brings it up. 

The pain starts out in his temples. It moves under his eyes and spreads throughout his head. Maybe his sinuses. Maybe he suddenly has seasonal allergies. There’s nothing to really worry about at first. He takes some painkillers, finds time to take a nap, and moves on. 

That’s his first mistake. 

For three days, Adrien is okay. There is a pressure in his head that sometimes becomes an ache, but it’s nothing too bad. It’s certainly nothing that he’s concerned with. If he’s preoccupied enough with something else, he doesn’t even notice it. 

Day four, he’s in the middle of a shoot when he gets a splitting pain in the center of his forehead. He tries to think about literally anything else and prays he’s smiling more than he’s grimacing. He takes more painkillers at dinner and hopes it’s nothing serious. 

He almost passes out walking up the stairs. 

Day five leaves him bedridden. Adrien promises Nathalie that it’s just a headache, really, he’s _ fine _ , but she purses her lips and tells him not to worry about his schedule. So he spends the day unable to sleep because of the pain and complaining to Plagg. Plagg just rolls his eyes and tells Adrien not to push himself so hard. But Adrien can tell that Plagg isn’t telling him everything. 

Nino calls once school gets out. Adrien isn’t surprised; he’s been expecting it all day and is just hoping that he feels well enough to get through a phone call. He answers after the first ring, the noise piercing his skull. “Hello?”

“ _ Yo dude, you sick? _ ” Nino asks. 

Adrien winces and pulls his phone a little further away from his ear. “It’s just a headache. Nathalie’s overreacting.” 

“ _ Uh huh _ .” 

Well, Adrien tried. He sighs and rolls over onto his stomach, wrapping an arm around a pillow. “Okay  _ fine _ . I almost blacked out yesterday.” 

“ _ What the— Yeah  _ Nathalie’s _ overreacting _ .” Nino scoffs. “ _ You’re gonna work yourself to death, bro. _ ”

Adrien shrugs. “Meh. I don’t think so.” 

“ _ There’s a reason you have people like Nathalie around. So you don’t  _ actually die _. _ ”

“You’re the one overreacting now,” Adrien points out.

“ _ Whatever. Good news is you didn’t miss much today. _ ” Adrien hums in agreement. “ _ Your presence was missed, man. No one knew what was happening in physics. We missed our translator _ .” 

Adrien laughs. “You guys’ll figure it out. It’s not that bad.” 

“ _ Says the genius _ ,” Nino protests. “ _ Oh, and you won’t be the only one behind. Mari was out today too. Alya said she has a really bad cold. Could barely breathe this morning or something. _ ” 

“That sucks.”

“ _ Yeah. Don’t come near me, I don’t want whatever you two have _ .” 

Adrien rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how a headache is contagious but okay.” 

“ _ It could be some deadly illness, I’m not a doctor. Anyway, what’s up besides the fact that you might be dying? _ ”

“I’ve just been laying around all day,” Adrien admits. “I didn’t even change out of the sweats I was in after the photoshoot yesterday. And Nathalie is worried I’ll pass out in the shower or something, so I’m going full couch potato for now. I feel gross.” 

“ _ Did you take off your binder? _ ” Nino asks, not even trying to hide the worry in his voice.

Adrien tugs on his sweatshirt. “Yeah, it was the first thing I did when I got up to my room. And then Nathalie asked about it. And then my dad asked. So I  _ am  _ sure that I took it off last night.” He isn’t as sure about if he threw it in the laundry or not because everything was kind of a headache induced haze. He can clean later when he doesn’t want to die.

“ _ Sweet, I’m glad you’re getting some rest, even if you feel bad. Oh shi— The bus is here. I’ll call you later? Maybe once I’m done with homework? _ ” 

Adrien hums in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds good.” 

_ “I hope you feel better! Love you, bro. _ ”

“Thanks,” Adrien murmurs. “Love you too.” He drops his phone onto his pillow the moment Nino hangs up. It’s nice to talk to Nino. But he also can’t think anymore. 

“You can’t die on me,” Plagg says. 

Adrien just groans. 

“No really, you can’t die.” Plagg pokes Adrien’s cheek. “At least not before you tell Ladybug you’re dying.” 

“Huh?” 

“Patrol. You should probably tell her you can’t go.” 

Adrien sits up with a jerk and almost falls out of bed. 

“Whoa! Calm down before you break your own neck.” 

“A quick and painless death,” he mutters. 

Plagg gives him a look. 

Adrien sighs and pushes his hair up out of his face. “I can’t skip out on patrol.” 

Plagg crosses his arms. “Weren’t you  _ just _ saying that you were dying?” he asks. 

“Yeah, but I forgot about patrol. I can’t disappoint Ladybug.” Adrien gets out of bed, catching himself on the wall as his vision goes dark for a moment. 

“Hm, the kid who can barely stand up walking around on rooftops? That sounds like a great idea.” 

Adrien gives Plagg a dead eyed look. “I’m going on patrol.” 

“I don’t think you really understand how awful you look right now.” 

“I’ll be  _ fine _ ,” Adrien promises. He feels like he’s going to throw up and the world is spinning but he can  _ do this _ . “I have a job.” 

“Yeah and doing that job requires you being able to run and jump. If you do show up, all you’re going to do is fall on your face,” Plagg points out.

“Nothing new then.” 

Plagg rolls his eyes. “You aren’t dying on my watch, kid.” 

“You’re over dramatic.” Adrien pushes off of the wall and carefully makes his way to the bathroom. His legs kind of feel like jelly, it’s almost like he’s walking around on the deck a boat. The ground is unstable and his brain sloshes around in his head. 

Yikes. 

Whatever this is, he really hopes he gets over it soon. He’s about ninety percent sure that this is what death feels like. 

Adrien makes a face when he sees his reflection in the mirror. Plagg wasn’t wrong. 

His hair has taken on a bed head quality that rivals Chat’s after a particularly hard and long battle. His skin is a sickly pale and his eyes are slightly glazed over and empty. There are dark circles under his eyes and his sweatshirt is all rumpled and twisted. 

One of the most famous models in France, folks. 

“This is why you shouldn’t go out,” Plagg says, hovering near Adrien’s shoulder. 

Adrien glances at the time on his phone. The bright screen makes his head ache even  _ more _ . He doesn’t know how that’s possible and winces as he stares at the numbers, trying to make them out. 

“You’re going to be  _ so _ helpful to Ladybug tonight,” Plagg drawls. 

Adrien glares at him. It’s been long enough that he can go take more painkillers. God knows he needs them. 

—«·»—

Chat falls on his face when he attempts to pole vault up to the roof Ladybug is sitting on. 

That’s a little misleading. 

He lands on the roof. He just proceeds to immediately fall over onto his face. 

“Are you alright?” Ladybug asks, worry lacing the edge of her voice. 

“Peachy, LB,” Chat says. He pushes up from the roof with a groan. That did  _ not _ help his headache. He gives her a weak smile. “How are you?” 

She stares at him for a long moment. She looks exhausted. “ _ Peachy _ .” 

“Glad we’re on the same page,” he mutters. He sits back on his heels. “Want to just sit tonight?” 

“ _ Please _ .” 

He runs a hand through his hair, pressing it against his forehead as he does so, like it lessen the pain. A kind of sad and desperate attempt at relief, if he’s being honest. “So what’s up with you?” he asks. 

“Tired,” Ladybug says tightly. “You?” 

“Same.” 

They sit in silence and stare out over the city. Usually, Chat would try to keep the conversation going and usually it’d be fairly easy. Right now, he’s just focusing on trying not to throw up or fall off the roof. 

Chat’s not sure how long it’s been when he pulls his eyes away from his knees and glances over to Ladybug. He was so caught up in himself, in his brain and in his pain, that he’s nearly forgotten she’s there. 

Ladybug is clutching the edge of the roof, hunched over herself. He squints her eyes at her— in the darkness, it’s hard to tell, but she seems paler than usual. She’s shivering almost violently. 

_ Tired _ . 

“Are you alright?” he asks. 

She swallows and takes a deep breath. “I’m fine,” she whispers hoarsely. 

“You don’t look fine.” 

She slowly turns her head to look at him, eyes wide and too empty looking. “Just cold,” she murmurs after a pause. 

Chat braces himself and edges closer to her. “Body heat,” he says softly as he moves to wrap an arm around her. 

Their knees bump together. 

The pain rushes away. 

Ladybug inhales sharply. 

Chat tenses, eyes wide. “Uh…?”

She scoots away from him. The pain is still gone, but he has to resist the urge to reach out to her. 

It’s  _ gone _ . Five days later and it’s just—

“I have to go,” Ladybug says suddenly. 

“But—” 

“Byeseeyoulater!” She swings her yoyo wide and leaps off the roof. 

Chat leans so far off the edge that he thinks he might tumble off the roof. His breath catches in his throat as her yoyo catches were a jerk and yanks her upward, swinging off into the night. 

“What?” he asks softly as he touches his knee with his hand. 

What was that?

* * *

Plagg says he has no idea what’s happening. Adrien doesn’t know whether or not he believes him. He’s just relieved it’s over.

Or he is. 

Then he dreams. 

He dreams of sandy deserts and thick jungles and flashes of red and black. He sees sparkling eyes and a spinning yoyo, the spots blurring together. He dreams of people he knows he’s never met but he  _ swears _ he’s seen them before. They have this smile, all of them do. 

He falls. 

He keeps falling and falling into these dreams and he can’t stop. 

He falls out of bed. 

Adrien wakes up with a groan as he hits the ground. Everything aches. And his head— 

He scrambles to his feet and stumbles into the bathroom, barely getting to the toilet.

It’s not over.

* * *

 

Chat calls Ladybug the moment the sun rises. He didn’t even ask Plagg if he was allowed to, he just transformed. His entire body hurts too much for proper judgement and it’s probably better to ask for forgiveness later than to actually die now. Plus, when it comes to forgiveness, Plagg is usually swayed by some extra camembert, which is easy enough to get.

It takes Ladybug a few minutes to pick up. “ _ What is it? _ ” she mumbles. She rests her forehead in her hand. 

“I need you.” 

She squints at him. “ _ Excuse me? _ ” 

Chat gives her an exasperated look. “Do you not feel like absolute death?”

“ _ You woke me up at  _ sunrise _ on a  _ Saturday,” she snaps. “ _ Of course I feel like death! _ ” She makes a pained face. “ _ Ow _ .” 

He winces as well. He didn’t realize her voice cut through like that. “Please, Ladybug?”

“ _ Why would seeing you help me feel less awful _ ?” she asks. She sounds exhausted and ready to shut down. He wishes he could just hop in a taxi and show up at her home and hug her to his chest because he’s  _ positive  _ that it will help. But he can’t. Because identities. 

They don’t seem worth it anymore. He’s never felt like they were worth it. 

“Last night,” he says. “When our knees touched.” 

Ladybug’s eyes widen a little. “ _I—_ ” She shakes her head. “ _That was just—_ ” 

“LB, our knees touched and the pain  _ stopped _ . At least, it did for me. I have a feeling it did for you too.” 

She looks away. 

“I honestly think that my head is going to split in two and I can barely walk. Can we please try?” 

Ladybug sighs. “ _ Tower in five? _ ” 

“Don’t fall.” 

—«·»—

She lands on the far end of the beam and doesn’t move any closer. Chat is afraid to try. 

“Hey,” he says, lifting a hand. He feels his balance shift and braces himself against the Tower. “How are you?” 

Ladybug stares at him for a long moment. 

She sits down. 

Okay, well, at least he got some sort of reaction. He walks toward her slowly, half expecting her to dart away. When she doesn’t and he’s almost an arm’s length away, he sits down. He hesitates for a second before he holds out his hand. 

Ladybug takes a shaky breath before she reaches out and takes Chat’s hand. She barely holds it, their palms hardly brush together. 

The pain leaves slower this time. It’s like it’s being peeled away in layers— it goes from be intolerable, to bearable, to a minor headache, to nothing at all. It’s like Chat suddenly understands how the pain ranking system that doctors always ask about works. In seconds, he went from a nine and a half — he will never say ten, he refuses to ever admit he’s as bad as he can be — to a zero. 

Ladybug grips his hand. 

“Are you okay?” he asks after a few more seconds. 

“I don’t know,” she says softly. 

He wants to reassure her that this  _ is _ doing something, that it’s helping  _ him _ , but he doesn’t know if that will make her leave and he really doesn’t want that. Because he likes being around her. But also because if the headache comes back he might throw up. 

“What’s happening?” Ladybug whispers. 

Chat shakes his head. He doesn’t know. All he knows is that she helps, and for a little while, he just needs to be okay.

* * *

 

Chat has never hated being Adrien Agreste more than he does this weekend. All he wants to do is sit on a rooftop next to Ladybug and hold her hand and not feel like his insides are being pureed. 

Instead, he grimaces through a photoshoot and takes more Advil when Nathalie isn’t looking because she’s probably going to say he’s taking too much and then she’ll take him to a doctor and he really has no idea what a doctor will say to all this magic stuff. Probably nothing good. 

So as soon as he gets home, he messages Ladybug and sneaks out while the shower runs, head and muscles aching with each step. 

This time, Ladybug reaches out to Chat immediately. “Is it getting worse for you?” she asks. 

Chat practically falls into her arms. It’s just… _ nice _ . It’s nice not being in pain. He’ll never take a moment of relief for granted ever again. “I can’t tell,” he mumbles, her pigtails tickling his nose. “I don’t know how to compare pain.” 

She laughs a little. “Might wanna learn how to, Noir.” 

He presses his cheek against her. “Sorry for being clingy.” 

She pokes his nose. “Shut up. It helps us both. I just…don’t know what we’re going to do when we’re both at school.”

“Die?” 

Ladybug shakes her head. “Out of the question.”   

Chat sits up. “Meet up before, during lunch, and after?” 

She furrows her eyebrows. “And just hope that at some point it goes away?” 

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Right now I think a few hours apart is the most I can handle.” 

Ladybug sighs. “I guess we work around this.” 

Chat grimaces. Neither of them are good at moderation. He just hopes they figure out how to make this sickness stop for good before one of them falls out of the sky.

* * *

 

Adrien has never really had vivid dreams. The most realistic they’ve ever gotten before are when he was nine and had the flu. He still isn’t convinced that some of those dreams weren’t real. 

But now… Now each night is like a minefield. It’s a mystery what he’ll remember when he wakes up, but when he’s asleep, he chases people through streets and forests and deserts and jungles. He falls thousands and thousands of feet. Adrenaline courses through his veins and he sees red and red and red and  _ red _ —

When he wakes up, his heart is pounding and his head is spinning, but he hasn’t gotten sick since that first time. He takes a few minutes to steady his breathing and calm himself, and then he messages Ladybug to see when they can meet up so he can lean against her and feel alive.

* * *

 

By Monday, whatever has decided to try and destroy his immune system has made him slow and sluggish. He goes to class because staying home again  _ will  _ warrant a doctor’s visit, but he trades his binder in for a sports bra and a large hoodie, because he doesn’t trust his lungs today. He hates it, but the thought of wearing a binder and being in any more pain is more unbearable this his dysphoria, and he’s just glad that it’s on the cooler side. 

“Okay, dude?” Nino asks when he gets to school, bumping their fists together. 

Adrien gives him a half shrug. “Not great.” 

Nino throws an arm around Adrien’s shoulders. “We can get through this, man,” he says. “And then drown you in Vitamin D and whatever. Being sick is the literal worst.”

On their way in, they pass Marinette and Alya. Nino pauses to press a quick kiss to the side of Alya’s head as Alya talks to Marinette. Marinette gives Adrien a weak smile and he smiles back. She looks pale and has circles under her eyes. Her cold must be keeping her up at night. 

Adrien stifles a yawn as him and Nino walk into the classroom. He stayed out late and got up early to spend as much time with Ladybug as humanly possible, and now he’s facing the consequences. 

He tries to pay attention in class, but it’s like there’s something in his brain just ticking down. The board blurs and Adrien has to blink to clear his vision. Nino nudges him a few times to remind him to write notes, but focusing too much on anything makes the edges of his vision go dark. He’s going to have to steal Nino’s notes or risk failing this section. 

By the time lunch comes around, Adrien thinks he might have to call it a day. He’s not sure how he’s going to get to Ladybug when he feels like standing up might be impossible. He’s sore all over and he’s starting to have hot flashes. 

“Do you need the nurse?” Nino asks. 

Adrien shakes his head and pushes himself to his feet. “‘m okay,” he promises. 

“You look really warm,” Alya says. She leans forward and presses a hand to the back of his neck. “God you’re burning up! Can you at least take off the hoodie?” 

He wraps his arms tightly around himself. “I’m fine,” he insists. “I just…fresh air.” He’s sure Alya and Nino exchange a worried look as he hurries out of the classroom. They’ll probably spend all of lunch worrying about him, but he needs to lose them so he can transform and meet up with Ladybug. If he doesn’t… 

Adrien is about eighty percent sure he  _ won’t _ die if he doesn’t see Ladybug, but at the moment that’s not a risk he’s about to take. 

He leans against a dirty wall in an alleyway and closes his eyes. Colors dance behind his eyelids and he presses his fingers to his temples, like he can get his headache to go away with the pressure. 

“Hey, kid, we standing here all day or are we meeting the bug?” 

Adrien opens an eye to find Plagg in his face. “One sec—” 

“Let’s do it now before you pass out,” Plagg interrupts. “Trust me.” 

Adrien nods and transforms. He pulls himself up onto a rooftop and carefully makes his way over to the park. The night before, him and Ladybug decided on a spot that wasn’t too high up and was relatively central to Paris, so no matter where they were coming from they could reach it. 

Chat gets there before Ladybug and watches the kids on the playground below from a shop’s rooftop. A few minutes later, Ladybug lands next to him and rests her head on his shoulder. 

“Sorry,” she says with a sigh. “Got caught up with friends. Had to lose them.” 

“It’s fine.” Chat reaches out and takes her hand. He’s not sure if more physical contact will help, but it’s worth a shot. “How do you feel?” 

“Like death.” Ladybug yawns. “This day is a disaster. If Hawkm—” 

Chat covers her mouth with his hand. “Nope. Don’t say it. Don’t do it, don’t jinx it.” 

Ladybug rolls her eyes and pulls his hand away. “Okay, ‘fraidy cat.” 

“Let’s just not think about that,” Chat says. “Let’s just enjoy this and watch this kid who doesn’t know how monkeybars work.” 

She whacks his arm. “Don’t be mean!” 

“They keep falling!” 

“Be nice to the children,” Ladybug warns, bumping their shoulders together like she’ll toss him off the edge of the roof if he keeps it up. But she’s smiling. 

—«·»—

After lunch is better. Chat fell asleep for a few minutes before Ladybug woke him up to leave, and those few minutes were some of the best of his life. He can actually focus on most of class, which is a miracle. He can feel the headache slowly creeping up on him again, but he doesn’t feel like he’s burning up anymore. He doesn’t have to keep glancing to the trash can wondering if he’s going to throw up. 

And then they reach physics and Adrien’s body decides now is the time to die. 

Ms. Mendeleiev hands Adrien a packet while he focuses on his pencil, because it’s the one thing keeping him from falling apart right now. “Since you and Miss Dupain-Cheng missed yesterday’s lesson, you’ll need to complete it before doing today’s.” 

Adrien curses silently.

“Head to the library so you can work in silence. Report back to me after class and I’ll give you today’s assignment.” 

Adrien twists around to look at Marinette. Alya is rubbing her back as Marinette flips through the packet with shaky hands. Her eyes meet Adrien’s and she just shakes her head the tiniest bit. 

“Okay,” Adrien says to Ms. Mendeleiev. “What are the pages in the textbook this goes along with?” 

—«·»—

Adrien ends up bringing his entire bag to the library, because he can’t be bothered to dig through it and figure out what he needs right now. Also if he leans down, all the blood is going to rush to his head and he’s going to fall over. 

Marinette gets to the library before him, because Ms. Mendeleiev gives him more instructions, including that they have to work alone, before he can leave the room. When he gets to the library, Marinette’s claimed a table in the back where they can talk without getting shushed. Her head is down and her skin is an almost grayish color. 

“You okay?” he asks Marinette. 

She lifts her head up from her textbook and blinks at him. “Huh?” 

“You don’t look so good.” 

“Oh.” She shoves her bangs up her forehead. “I’m fine. Just tired. I don’t think I’ve really gotten over that bug from last week yet.” 

Adrien sits down next to her, dropping his bag on the ground. “We don’t have to do this now if you don’t feel good.” A very large part of him is hoping she’ll want to put it off until tomorrow, because his head feels like it’s literally going to explode.  

Marinette takes a deep breath and puts both her hands on the table to brace herself. “Nope, it’s fine, I want to get this over with.” 

He forces a smile. “Okay, Ms. Mendeleiev wants that anyway. We aren’t supposed to work together.” 

Marinette groans. “Never mind, let’s go home.” 

“She doesn’t have to know though.” Adrien holds his hand out to her. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” 

Marinette eyes his hand. “Okay.” She shakes his hand. 

And his headache melts away. 

—«·»—

Marinette is sitting as far away from Adrien as she can on her small chaise, but her fingers are still brushing against Adrien’s, keeping the pain at bay. 

“This makes it easier,” Adrien says jokingly. 

Marinette gives him a sharp look. “Let me process.” 

He nods. 

She groans. “What’s happening to us?” 

“Can we blame the kwami?” 

Marinette glances over to where Tikki and Plagg are napping on her desk. “I don’t know,” she says. “Tikki would’ve said something, wouldn’t she?” 

Adrien shrugs. “Plagg doesn’t tell me anything.” 

Marinette gives him a once over. “No kidding.” 

“I’m good at what I do!” Adrien protests. “Come on, you have to give me that.” 

“Okay, sure.” 

“This makes it easier, though,” he says. 

She tilts her head. “Because we’re in class together? Yeah, I thought that was pretty obvious.” 

“And because we have more time together,” Adrien points out. “We can figure stuff out like…scientifically. Because we don’t have to sneak around as much. Like…how long it takes for the pain to start and how much physical contact helps.” 

Marinette nods slowly. “So you want to make us a science experiment.” 

Adrien blinks. “Well…yeah. Everything is just a science experiment waiting for a hypothesis.” 

She sinks back into the pillows of the chaise. “Disgusting.”    

He scoots a little closer to her. “I swear I’ll take all the notes myself and we don’t even have to write a report on it.” 

“You’re such a dork,” Marinette says with a smile.

“A dork who’s going to fix this,” Adrien says. He squeezes her hand. “I’m going to fix this.”

* * *

 

Adrien dreams of red again. He feels blood on his hands and his body tingles like he’s fading away. He sees broken bodies and flashes of smiles. 

And then he sees Marinette. 

And then he wakes up.

* * *

 

Adrien and Marinette don’t meet up before school. 

Marinette shows up earlier than usual, so about ten minutes before class starts, and when Adrien gives Alya a high five, he gives one to Marinette as well. It makes his fingers feel warm and light, but the rest of his body still feels heavy and sick. During class, he makes a point to brush his fingers against hers when he passes her papers, and she asks for sticky notes from him when he feels a headache starting to buzz in the back of his mind. 

Later, they’ll test their limits, but for now, Adrien takes solace in the little touches and the little bit of relief he finds in them. At lunch they slip away and sit on a rooftop, Chat’s legs thrown over Ladybug’s lap. They talk about class and Chat tries to catch Ladybug up on physics with essentially no success. 

“Ugh, I’m going to need tutoring to pass this,” she grumbles. 

“You’ve got me,” he says with a grin. “And way too much time to spend with me.” 

She flicks his ear and shoves his legs off her lap before leaping off the rooftop and swinging down into an alley. Chat follows her and finds Marinette hiding Tikki in her purse. 

“Do you think people are going to find it weird that we’re suddenly hanging out a lot?” she asks, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Nah,” Adrien says. He holds open his jacket and lets Plagg zip into an inside pocket. “Why would that be weird?” 

Marinette flushes. “No reason,” she mutters. She holds out her hand. “Just…don’t let anyone see us holding hands.” 

“Uh…okay?” Adrien takes her hand. The slight tension that built up in his muscles in the few moments they weren’t touching fades away. She can’t be embarrassed of him or something, but he can’t figure out why she wouldn’t want people to see them holding hands. They might think they were dating but…was that bad?    

Marinette drops his hand a block away from the school. It suddenly seems colder, and Adrien isn’t sure if that’s just because she’s no longer keeping the pain away.

* * *

 

Adrien wakes up to knocking at his window. The knocking shakes him out of a dream where he’s falling endlessly. He wakes up with a jerk, entire body aching and gasping for breath like he hit pavement. 

“It’s Ladybug,” Plagg says before burying himself back into the sheets. 

Adrien sits up and runs a hand through his hair. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to slow down his heartbeat, before standing up and walking over to his windows. 

Ladybug has her face pressed against the glass and her eyes go wide when she sees Adrien. She knocks on the glass again. 

Adrien opens the window next to her. “What are you doing?” he whispers. 

She pushes passed him to climb into the room, using his shoulder to help her hop down to the floor. Coolness rushes through him, and he didn’t even realize he was overheating.

“You left this at my house,” she says, holding a sweatshirt out to him. 

Adrien takes it with a frown. “You could’ve given this to me at school or something.” 

She shakes her head. “No, you don’t get it. I got up to get a drink and when I was going back to my room I realized I was getting a headache. I saw your sweatshirt on my chaise and I picked it up to put with my backpack for tomorrow-- today, whatever, and I  _ felt better _ .” 

Adrien blinks. “You…felt better?” 

Ladybug nods. “It helped! I don’t know why, but it helped.” 

Twenty minutes later, Ladybug is gone and Adrien is laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. 

“Do you get it, Plagg?” he asks. 

“Get what?”

“What’s going on?” 

Plagg scoffs. “You think I keep secrets from you, kid? Come on.” 

Adrien falls asleep and his dreams feel broken and wrong.

* * *

 

“Are you okay?” Marinette whispers to Adrien between classes. She asked him for help putting up posters for a class event when Alya had to stay after to talk to a teacher, but he’s not surprised that she just wanted to talk to him for a second. 

He brushes their hands together as he takes another poster from her. The burst of warmth makes him smile a little. “Yeah, why do you ask?” 

She furrows her eyebrows. “You look tired.” She reaches up to touch his face before pulling away. 

Adrien shakes his head. “Nothing you can do to help,” he says. “Just bad dreams.” 

A look crosses Marinette’s face. “I’m sorry,” she says softly. 

He shrugs and straightens the poster against the wall before taping down the edges. “I’ll live,” he promises. “It’s not like they’re real or anything.”

* * *

 

The photoshoot has been going on for almost six hours now, and every part of Adrien hurts. His back hurts from standing, his cheeks hurt from smiling, his eyes hurt from the lights. His head has been spinning for as long as he’s been here and now if he moves to fast, his vision goes black. He’s going to need to ask for a break soon because he needs to get out of his binder. It’s starting to hurt to breathe— Nino is absolutely going to murder him. 

The next time he has to change outfits, he grabs his phone from his bag and texts Marinette. 

**From: Toss Boy** ****  
**To: Croissant Provider  
**      Please come to the shoot

Then he’s stuffed into a tighter pair of jeans and a jacket with fabric that makes his skin ache and shoved back under the bright lights. He poses as he’s told and tries to make it look as effortless as possible, because he can’t handle his father being angry at him for a bad shoot. 

The edges of Adrien’s vision are starting to go dark again when Ladybug bursts through the door. 

Production comes to a halt as the double doors slam open, security staring at her in shock as she runs in front of the camera and scoops Adrien up in her arms. Adrien shuts his eyes tight as some of the lights flash — no doubt someone’s trying to get action photos to make the shoot just that much more interesting — and clings to Ladybug’s arms. 

“I’ll return him later!” she shouts over her shoulder as she sprints out of the room. “He’s in danger!” 

“Won’t they look for an akuma?” Adrien asks her weakly as she shoulders open an emergency exit and leaps from the balcony. There’s a slight jolt as her yo-yo catches on a building, but he’s already feeling better, so it doesn’t hurt too much. 

“We’ll deal with that later,” Ladybug promises. “You okay?” 

“You?” he asks. 

“I was curled up in my room,” she admits. “But I was better off than you looked.” She lands in an alleyway and gently sets him down. “Okay to walk?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Adrien steps away. “I’m good.” 

Marinette drops her transformation and opens her purse to let Tikki zip in before she takes Adrien’s hand and starts off down the sidewalk, steering him back toward her house. She takes control of the conversation, telling Adrien about customers that her parents had to deal with this morning at the bakery. It’s nice to be able to just listen and breathe. 

“Mari?”

They both freeze and look across the street, where Alya and Nino are staring at them. 

“Uh oh,” Marinette whispers. 

Adrien drops Marinette’s hand and takes a step away. 

“Subtle.” 

Alya barely looks both ways before she’s sprinting across the street and dragging Nino along with her. “Marinette!” she shouts as she skids to a stop in front of them. “What is going  _ on _ !” 

“Uh…” Marinette glances up at Adrien. 

“Yeah, I thought you were at a shoot, man,” Nino says. 

“There was an emergency,” Adrien lies. “We’ll have to finish it later.” 

Alya grabs Marinette’s hands. “Are you two on a  _ date _ ?!”

Marinette blinks. “Yes.” 

Adrien tries to keep his face blank. He’s pretty sure he fails. 

Alya squeals and pulls Marinette away. “Why didn’t you tell me!” Adrien hears her hiss as Marinette shushes her. 

Adrien runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry to interrupt uh…” 

“No big, dude,” Nino says with a shrug. “We were just walking around looking for lunch. Alya’s probably going to have a meltdown because Mari didn’t tell her about this, though.” 

“Why?” 

Nino stares at him. “Cause…you know.” 

“No,” Adrien says. “I don’t know. What are you talking about.” 

Nino laughs awkwardly and rubs the back of his neck. “You’ll have to ask ‘nette. I probably shouldn’t say.” 

“That makes me nervous.” 

Nino snorts. “It’s not a big deal, dude, trust me. It’s just something she might not want  _ me _ to be telling you. It’s not the end of the world, no one’s dying, and if I know you two as well as I think I do, no breakups will be involved.” He pats Adrien’s shoulder. “I can’t say it’ll be super chill, but you  _ will _ survive.” 

Alya’s phone starts ringing, interrupting whatever hushed conversation she’s having with Marinette. Cold realization floods Adrien’s system as Alya answers. 

Marinette is by his side and taking his hand almost immediately. “Are you okay?” she asks. 

“I don’t have my phone,” he says. 

Nino frowns, but Marinette’s eyes widen in understanding. She nods once. “It’s okay,” she says. She squeezes his hand before turning to Nino. “We gotta go, tell Alya I’ll text her, okay?”

“Yeah, sure thing, man.” He gives Adrien a weird look. “Text me, bro, I need to tell you about this piece I’ve been working on.” 

Adrien nods and forces a smile. “Of course.” 

Marinette tugs Adrien to get him to start walking. “See you later Nino!” she calls out, waving to Alya. 

When they turn the corner, Marinette pulls Adrien closer to the buildings and puts her hands on his upper arms. “Are you okay?” 

Adrien forces himself to take a deep breath. To keep from panicking, he had been just shutting off, and now he needs to come back to the surface without losing it. “Nathalie,” he says weakly. “She’s going to be worried.” 

Marinette nods. “We’re almost to my place, then I’ll get your phone, okay? Does anything else hurt? Anything that I haven’t fixed?” Her fingers brush against his jaw, making his skin tingle. 

Adrien closes his eyes. “I’m just sore,” he says. “From posing all morning without you.” He does his best to keep his neediness to a minimum, because he doesn’t like to be clingy, doesn’t like to show his weaknesses that plainly, but even with Marinette here, he still aches. Her touch can only heal him so fast. 

She hums softly. “Let’s go,” she says. “Almost there. We’re almost there.” 

—«·»—

Adrien opens his eyes when Marinette presses a hand to his forehead, cool and cleansing. He smiles at her weakly. 

She grins and holds up his phone. “Got your phone,” she says. “A few messages from Nathalie, mostly just seeing if you were okay. I also have Plagg.” She opens her purse and Plagg zips out, knocking into the side of Adrien’s head. 

“Sheesh, kid! Don’t go disappearing on me like that!” 

Adrien laughs. “Sorry, wasn’t exactly in control of that escape.” 

“Feeling any better?” Marinette asks. 

“No lights is good,” he says. “So is laying down. And it’s always better when you’re here, bugaboo.” 

Marinette rolls her eyes. “Okay, so you’re fine.” She starts to move away. 

“No wait—” Adrien grabs her arm. “Just stay a little longer.” 

“It’s my room,” she teases, but she sits back down. 

“Thank you,” he says with a sigh. Then he winces and presses a hand to his ribs. 

Marinette narrows her eyes at him. “Is your binder hurting you?’ she asks. 

Adrien scoots away. “No, it’s fine.” 

“How long have you been wearing it?” 

He makes a so-so motion with his hand. “You know…” 

Marinette turns to Plagg. “I’ll get you some cheese.” 

“Hey! You can’t bribe my kwami!” 

“He got up at six today,” Plagg says easily. 

Marinette gets up from the chaise and Adrien groans.

“Here,” she says, after rummaging through a drawer. She hands Adrien a hoodie. “Take your binder off, you’ll feel better.” 

Adrien makes a face, but changes when Marinette slips downstairs to grab something to drink. He puts his binder on the top of her dresser and pulls on the hoodie. It’s heavy and too large, and he has almost no shape in it. Good. 

“You worry her,” Tikki says from her bed on Marinette’s desk. 

“It’s his job,” Plagg says. 

“Sorry,” Adrien says, ducking his head. He glances to Tikki. “Do  _ you _ have any idea why this happened to us?” 

She looks away. “I have…a hypothesis,” she says slowly. “But I don’t know if I should share it.” 

“You should!” Adrien says eagerly. “Literally anything would be better than nothing.” 

She hums and floats over to him. “Maybe later,” she says, “when you’re less tired.” 

—«·»—

“Why’d you tell Alya we were dating?” Adrien murmurs. It’s late and he’s supposed to be asleep, but Marinette snuck into his room, because today has been nothing if not painful, and being gone from her for longer than half an hour makes his chest hurt. 

Marinette sighs and curls up against him more. “I don’t know,” she says softly. “It was like…a split second panic. And maybe I didn’t want to have to hide holding your hand.”

Warmth bubbles in Adrien’s chest, more so than Marinette usually causes. 

“It doesn’t seem fair to either of us to be in pain just because other people are around, you know?” she adds. 

The warmth vanishes and it’s a little harder to breathe. “Makes sense,” he mumbles.

Marinette props herself up on her elbow. “You aren’t mad at me, are you?” 

Adrien searches her face in the darkness. He can only barely make out the curve of her cheek. “Why would I be mad at you?” 

“Pretending to date is a pretty big choice to make on my own.” 

“I don’t mind,” he promises.

“Good.” Marinette lays back down. “I have to leave soon,” she whispers. 

Adrien wraps an arm around her. “Okay, but just another minute.”

* * *

 

“You’re dating Marinette?” Chloé asks with a sniff. 

Adrien lifts his head from his desk. “Yeah, what about it?” 

“Why?” 

“Because I like her.” 

Chloé wrinkles her nose. “ _ Why _ ?”

He blinks. “Why…not?” 

“Oo I wanna know why,” Alya says, leaning forward so her face is next to Adrien’s. She grins before shooting Chloé a look. “Let’s hear all about what Adrien likes the most about Marinette.” 

Adrien feels his face burn and buries it in his hands. “Come on, guys—” 

“What’s going on?” Marinette asks. Adrien looks up to see her standing in the doorway with Nino. 

“Nothing,” Alya sing songs as she leans back into her seat. 

Chloé turns up her nose and marches over to her own seat. 

“Just Chloé being Chloé,” Adrien murmurs to Marinette. 

Marinette shoots Chloé a glare. “Okay, fine.” As she passes his desk to go to her own, she presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

Adrien’s blush flares back up. 

Nino laughs and puts his hat on Adrien’s head and Adrien pulls it low over his face.

* * *

 

“We’re going to New York next weekend,” Nathalie says, and Adrien’s blood runs cold. “Your father has a show, he wants you there.” 

Adrien nods and goes to his room to study. 

“How do we fix this?” he hisses to Plagg as soon as the door shuts behind him. 

Plagg shakes his head. “If I knew how to fix this, we would’a been done with it a long time ago.”  

Adrien groans. “Come on, Plagg. We need to go talk to Mar.” 

A few minutes later, Chat Noir is flying over the rooftops of Paris. 

“Probably should’ve called first,” he murmurs to himself as he approaches Marinette’s balcony. He lands on the railing and jumps to the floor, then knocks on her trap door a few times to signal that he’s here. He really hopes she’s here too, otherwise this will be really awkward. His impulsiveness always comes back to bite him. 

“Oh thank god,” Chat says when Marinette opens the trap door a few moments later. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks. “Is there an akuma? Is there a fire?” 

“No, nothing like that,” he promises. He slides past her into her room.

“Oh.” She touches her temple. “D’you…feel okay? I’m feeling okay.” 

“I feel fine.” Chat’s ear twitches. “But I’m going away.” 

Marinette blinks. “What.” 

“It’s only for a weekend—” 

Marinette hits him with a pillow. “Chat! Don’t scare me like that!” She hits him again before he grabs it from her. 

“What?” he asks, tilting his head. “Did you think I was going to leave you forever?” 

She flicks his nose. “Just tell me what’s happening, Noir.” 

“This weekend — well, Thursday night, actually — my father and I are going to NYC for a fashion show.” Marinette nods slowly. “And we won’t be back until late Monday. Nathalie called it a weekend trip, but…” 

Marinette scoffs. “Whose weekend is that?” 

Chat shrugs. “Rich people’s?” 

“Fair.” 

“So what do we…do?” he asks slowly. 

She groans and leans forward, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. “I don’t know,” she mumbles. “Other than giving you half my closet to bring…” 

Chat laughs and runs his fingers through her hair. “I’ll leave my windows unlocked for you, in case you need to get into my room.” 

“And we just really really pray that Hawkmoth is busy,” she adds. 

Chat makes a face. “Yeah, that too.” 

Marinette huffs and sits up. “We’re really going to be pushing our luck with this one.” 

Chat brushes her bangs out of her eyes. “If anyone should push luck, it should definitely be you.”

* * *

 

“Here,” Marinette says, pulling a sweatshirt out of the backpack she showed up with. “It’s not  _ mine _ , but I made it, so maybe the effect will be the same?” 

“Worth a shot,” Adrien says. He takes the sweatshirt and packs it into a suitcase he’s filled with Marinette’s things. There’s a blanket, a few large t-shirts, some bracelets, a stuffed animal or two, and a scarf. 

“I’m terrified,” Marinette whispers. 

“Me too,” Adrien admits. “I’ll call you as soon as I land, though, promise.” 

She grabs his hand and squeezes it tight. “You better.” 

“We still have until school gets out tomorrow,” he reminds her. 

“I know.” 

He glances to his bed. “Do you want to stay for a while longer?” 

“Absolutely.”

* * *

 

“Alright, Adrien?” Gabriel asks once they’ve been in the air for nearly an hour. 

“Just tired,” Adrien lies. 

His father nods. “You should sleep now. We have an early day tomorrow.” 

Adrien tries not to groan. 

—«·»—

“Stay here,” Ladybug whispers. But she’s wrong. This is wrong. The sky is dark orange and Chat can’t breathe. 

“Stay here,” she says and then she’s gone. 

The sky above him starts spinning, the clouds blur and smear into a sticky mess of yellows and reds. He rolls onto his side and throws up. He wipes the back of his mouth with his hand and sees red. 

Chat’s heart races as he realizes that his hands are covered in blood. He presses his hands to his torso, trying to figure out if it’s his own. 

“Stay here,” echoes in his ears. “Stay here, stay here, stay here stay—” 

Adrien wakes up with a jerk. He blinks rapidly and sits up, taking deep breaths. He presses a hand to his chest. 

He’s still here. It wasn’t real. 

—«·»—

**From: Croissant Provider** ****  
**To: Toss Boy** ****  
     TExt me as soon as you lan d   
     Alya says she misses you and also shes jealous becau se youre getitng out of class   
     Nino wants pictures of the city but he says hes already told you that    
     I hope your e feeling ok I miss you already 

Adrien smiles at his screen. Nathalie clears her throat. He stuffs his phone in his pocket and quickly follows her and his father. They slide into a waiting limo and are sped off to their hotel. He thinks it’s silly that they needed to rent a limo, but what Gabriel wants, Gabriel gets. 

When Gabriel isn’t looking and Nathalie is typing away on her tablet, Adrien quickly responds to Marinette’s messages. 

**From: Toss Boy** ****  
**To: Croissant Provider** ****  
     On the way to the hotel, I’ll call you as soon as I get the chance   
     I miss you too

—«·»—

“ _ Oh god, _ ” Marinette says, “ _ Skype is awful _ .”

Adrien laughs. “Yeah, it is. We should’ve trusted Nino and figured out that other app before I left.” 

Marinette blows her bangs out of her eyes. “ _ It’s fine, we’ll deal with it. How do you feel? _ ” 

“Better now that I’m talking to you.” 

Marinette ducks her head. “ _ Probably just…placebo or something. One of those science words _ .” 

Adrien snorts. “Yeah, one of those science words. But I’m okay, a little bit of a headache, but nothing I can’t handle. You?” 

“ _ The same _ .” She sighs. “ _ It’s really weird knowing you’re like an entire ocean away. I don’t know if I like it. _ ” 

“I don’t,” he admits. 

Nathalie knocks on his door. “Dinner, Adrien.” 

Adrien winces. “Also, time differences.” 

Marinette makes a face. “ _ I’ll text you when I can. Let me know if it gets really bad. _ ” 

“You too,” he says. “Talk to you later,” he says. 

“ _ Talk to you then _ .” She smiles before hanging up, and he has to stop himself from saying ‘I love you.’

* * *

 

In the dark of his hotel room, Adrien wraps himself in Marinette’s blanket and tries to push through the pain. Plagg nuzzles against his cheek as his head feels like it’s going to explode. He’d rather brave his bloody dreams than deal with this, but if he lays down and tries to sleep, he feels like he’s falling but never hitting the ground. 

“I hate this,” Adrien hisses. He thinks he’s crying now, his cheeks are hot and wet and he can barely think enough to speak. 

“I know.” Plagg presses a paw to his forehead. “You can get through this, kid. I believe in you.” 

Adrien forces a laugh before passing out. 

—«·»—

Sometimes, Adrien’s dreams feel tangible. Like if he reached out, he could grab onto the people in them and ask them what was going on. 

Like now. 

He’s chasing after a person wrapped in red fabric. They’re in a jungle somewhere. The ground is rough beneath his bare feet and the sun beats down heavy and suffocating. He’s panting hard and his ears twitch to hear all the animal sounds around him. They go quiet as him and Ladybug run through. 

They reach a cliff. 

They’re at the edge of a waterfall. The sound of rushing water overtakes his senses. 

Ladybug looks at him. Chat looks back. There’s something in Ladybug’s eyes he can’t name. 

They look back to the jungle as the akuma they’re running from crashes through. 

“Lucky charm!” Ladybug shouts. They throw their hand into the air and there’s a flash of light. When it fades, they’re holding a spear. They grit their teeth. 

Chat shakes his head. “Wh—”  

“Get down!” Ladybug shouts, shoving Chat to the ground. The akuma comes barreling out of the trees. Ladybug charges. There’s a scream. There’s a flash. They go over the edge. 

Chat leans over the edge in horror. 

—«·»—

Adrien hits the ground.

* * *

 

“Are you alright?” Nathalie asks at breakfast. 

“Just jetlag,” Adrien promises. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” He smiles at her. 

She purses her lips and puts another egg on his plate. When she turns away, Adrien clutches Marinette’s lucky charm bracelet and begs it to melt away the pain. 

—«·»—

Adrien goes to a fashion show. People talk. People walk. He gets pushed around to different people and forces smiles and probably says words, but he isn’t sure what words they are. 

He gets back to his hotel room and falls face first on his bed with a groan.

* * *

 

Adrien fakes his way through calls with Nino and snapchats to Alya. He tries to only send pictures in lighting that makes him look alive. He probably over hydrates in an attempt to stay on his feet, taking as much medication as he safely can as often as he can. He wears Marinette’s scarves and presses his nose into them and tries to breathe, because otherwise it hurts. 

Whenever he’s in his hotel room, he takes off his binder, because he’s worried about how his body is reacting to absolutely everything. He calls Marinette and hearing her voice does help, at least a little bit. If it doesn’t actually help, at least he reminds him that it’s Sunday and they’re leaving in twenty four hours. 

Soon. This’ll all stop very soon.

* * *

 

Adrien wakes up with a start and runs to the bathroom. He heaves over the toilet as Plagg hovers anxiously over his shoulder. 

“I want to go home,” Adrien whispers. 

“Who wouldn’t,” Plagg says. “And once we’re there, I’ve got someone you need to talk to.” 

—«·»—

The airport is a blur. The flight is a blur. Adrien keeps his headphones in and his eyes closed. His fingers rub a familiar pattern over Marinette’s lucky charm. The calming warmth he used to feel from it has faded so much it’s barely there. 

A few more hours, he keeps telling himself. Just a few more. 

He almost doesn’t notice when they land. Nathalie gently shakes him awake, and he tries not to be sick all over the seats. He carefully sips water as they walk through the airport. His father is on another call and Nathalie is watching Adrien with a careful eye and probably already scheduling a doctor’s appointment. 

“Get some rest,” she says to Adrien when they get back to the house. “We’ll see if you feel up to school in the morning.” 

“Thanks Nat,” he murmurs as she closes the door. 

As soon as it latches, Adrien leaps out of bed and throws open his window. 

“Transform!” Plagg shouts. “Before you jump out a window, transform!” 

Adrien takes a deep breath. “Right.” He focuses enough to transform into Chat Noir. And  _ then _ he jumps out the window. 

It’s a good thing he has the route to Marinette’s memorized, because otherwise, he’d never make it. His mind isn’t working and he’s moving on muscle memory alone. He almost falls off a few roofs, but he’s moving too fast to really slip. 

Chat lands on Marinette’s balcony with a thud, almost face planting into a plant. He fumbles with the trap door. It’s never locked anymore, but it’s also never been harder open. His fingers aren’t working right and he can barely stand upright. 

Chat doesn’t so much as drop on her bed as he  _ falls _ onto it. He dreads getting down the loft’s stairs. 

He hears something hit the ground and Marinette gasp. “Chat?!” 

“I couldn’t wait for morning,” he mumbles. Okay no more talking, the words are like bullets. He pulls himself to the edge of the bed and slides down a few of the steps, not trusting himself not keel over if he tries to actually climb down. 

Marinette meets him halfway, pulling him off the stairs and into her arms. He falls against her and she stumbles backward a step, but all she does is hug him harder. 

Adrien lets his transformation drop as he hugs her back, sinking into her arms and embracing the warmth. The pain practically melts away— he can finally think clearly, there’s no longer something ripping his mind in two. 

It’s so much easier to breathe with Marinette. 

It takes him a few minutes to realize she’s crying. Adrien pulls away. “Are you okay?” he asks. He wipes the tears from her face. “Is something wrong?” 

Marinette laughs and shakes her head. “No, I’m— you’re here now, it’s okay. It’s okay.” She hugs him again. “I missed you so much,” she chokes out. 

Adrien takes a shaky breath. “Y-yeah that sucked.” 

“I spent entire nights in your room,” she whispered. “Trying to make it go away.” 

“I’m sorry it didn’t help.” 

“It’s okay.” She presses her face against his shoulder. “You couldn’t even do that.”

“We’re going to be okay, though,” he promises. He’s not sure if they will be, but he has to try to be optimistic right now, because if he doesn’t, he’ll shatter. Standing here, holding Marinette in his arms, he can almost believe it. It’s like he’s being carefully sewn back together, magically healed by powers he doesn’t understand. 

“I love you,” he whispers. 

Marinette giggles and sniffs. She pulls away and dries her eyes with the back of her hand. “I love you too,” she says. “You should know that, you dork.” 

—«·»—

He’s walking on water, his reflection projected in front of him. But he can’t really see it, can’t really process what his image really looks like. When he looks around, there’s just more flat, reflective water as far as he can see. He looks up. The sun is high in the sky, which is cloudless and light blue. 

He walks for a while. 

When he gets tired, he sits down. He’s still on top of the water. He closes his eyes. 

When he opens them again, he’s drowning.

* * *

 

Plagg pokes him until he gets up. Adrien groans and detangles his limbs from Marinette’s. He scribbles her a note on a post it note from a stack that she always leaves up on her loft and sticks it to her wall. Then he transforms and climbs out onto her balcony as quietly as he can. 

The sun is barely coming up over the horizon. Streetlights are still on as Chat Noir makes his way through Paris. He stops on a rooftop, looking over the city skyline that he knows so well. 

He goes home and falls back asleep, in his own bed this time. Nathalie wakes him up, declares him unfit for school, and lets him go back to sleep. When Adrien wakes up again, it’s almost noon. 

**From: Croissant Provider** ****  
**To: Toss Boy** **  
**       Come over when you get the chance??? Tikki says she wants to talk to us

A strange feeling pools in Adrien’s stomach. But he replies that he’s on his way and asks if she could grab him something to eat, before transforming and heading over to her house. 

—«·»—

“What did you want to talk to us about?” Marinette says as she hands Adrien a sandwich. 

Adrien has to stop himself from inhaling it. He takes a bite and chews slowly, trying to focus on what Tikki has to say as much as possible. 

“This,” Tikki says, motioning between the two of them, “we haven’t seen it before, but…since Adrien left for the weekend, I think I’ve confirmed my theory.” 

“Cool,” Adrien says through a mouthful of sandwich. “What is it?” 

“First, let me explain.” Tikki flits around a little nervously. “Being a miraculous holder has gotten…safer,” she says slowly. “For a long time, it was very dangerous so there was a high, um, mortality rate.” 

Marinette’s eyes go wide. “You mean—” 

Tikki nods. “Our holders didn’t last very long. It was…difficult. It was made worse by the fact that, well, you two weren’t chosen at random.”

“We weren’t?” Adrien asks. That was sort of exciting. He’s always assumed there was a reason, that it wasn’t some random incident of the universe, but hearing it confirmed makes his heart race. 

“Ladybug and Chat Noir are constantly reincarnated,” Tikki says, “they’re soulmates.” 

Adrien chokes on his sandwich. 

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Tikki says quickly as Marinette pats his back. “It doesn’t mean anything other than the holders of the Ladybug and Cat miraculous stones are linked in a way that people rarely are. It doesn’t  _ mean _ anything unless you want it to.” 

“Good to know,” Adrien says weakly. 

“What does this have to do with the, uh, situation?” Marinette asks. Her face is red. 

“When one…died,” Tikki says carefully, “the other…didn’t last long. It was, um, a way to keep the powers together. Not a way created, an honestly horrible side effect of the stones, one I wish I knew how to remove. If one died, their connection to their partner, that connection that made them soulmates, would be severed, and it would cause the other immense pain. And usually, the other would follow their partner to death soon after.” 

“That’s horrible,” Marinette whispers. 

“Yeah, pretty macabre,” Plagg says. “So what?”      

“I wasn’t sure if this was the case, but…I think that…during Timebreaker, Marinette and Adrien’s connection was severed when Chat Noir died, even if he was revived in another timeline.” 

“I died?!” Adrien gasps at the same time Plagg says, “We died?!”

Adrien glances to Plagg. “We died?” he repeated.   

Marinette chews on her bottom lip and looks away. 

“Tikki, what do you mean?” Plagg flies closer to her. “What does that  _ mean _ — how would we still be here?” 

“I grabbed her,” Marinette says softly. “Timebreaker. She went back in time to get her watch. She vanished away our entire class. You stopped her from getting me too.” 

“I died,” Adrien whispers. “Whoa.” 

“But we went  _ back _ ,” Marinette says. “That doesn’t make sense—” 

“That’s why there was two of you?” Adrien interrupts. “Two Ladybugs?” 

“ _ Adrien _ .” 

“Right, sorry.” 

“I don’t know,” Tikki admits. “I’ve never dealt with time travel before, I just know it’s sticky. You two have actually been experiencing lower amounts of pain than most people who lose their partners do. More bearable amounts. Maybe your connection was just damaged. Or maybe it broke entirely, but can never be fully repaired. This isn’t something we have complete knowledge of, this is out of our control.” 

Marinette looks at her hands. “So this is my fault.” 

“No,” Adrien says. “Don’t say that,  _ I _ was the one who got hit—” 

“Protecting  _ me _ !”

“Which is my job!” 

“This helps no one!” Tikki interrupts. “The past is the past, especially in this situation. You can’t fix the present by arguing about the past.” 

“Okay, Aristotle,” Plagg mutters. 

Adrien looks up at him. “Didn’t you want me to meet someone?” he asks. 

“Who?” Plagg asks. “Master Fu?” 

“Who’s Master Fu?” Marinette asks. 

Plagg and Tikki exchange a glance. 

—«·»—

Adrien isn’t sure where he expected this day to go, but he wasn’t expecting to have be having tea in a healer’s shop, that’s for sure. “Thanks,” he says, taking the cup. 

“Of course, Chat Noir,” he says. “I’m surprised it took us all so long to meet.” He raises his eyebrows at the kwami. Tikki hides behind Marinette’s hair. 

“Uh, same,” Marinette says slowly. “We have…a problem.” 

“Yes?” 

“Well…” she glances to Adrien. 

“I  _ died _ ,” he says. Marinette elbows him. 

Master Fu nods. “That’s a predicament.” He looks to the kwami. “Perhaps the two of you have a little more information on the situation?” 

Tikki re explains as Adrien slowly drinks his tea. It’s soothing and relaxing. He’s never been that into tea, but whatever this kind is, he likes it. When he finishes his cup, he puts it down on the mat and casually puts his hand on Marinette’s. She raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t pull away. 

Master Fu studies them. “There may be a way to fix this,” he says, “but it’s risky.” 

“How risky?” Marinette asks, just as Adrien says, “That’s fine.” She glares at him and he shrugs helplessly. 

“The Ladybug and Cat miraculous stones can be used in tandem,” Master Fu says. “They give you the power to shape reality. You could repair your connection.” 

“So what’s the bad part?” Marinette asks. 

“The universe must remain balanced,” Master Fu says. “So with every action—” 

“There’s an equal and opposite reaction,” Adrien finishes. “Newton’s third law.” 

Master Fu nods. “And we don’t know what that reaction will be.” 

Marinette and Adrien exchange a look. 

“I…” She shakes her head. “That level of responsibility is kind of terrifying, to me.” 

Master Fu smiles. “It should. It can be easily abused. It’s why it’s so important that the right people are the owners of these two miraculous stones in particular.” 

“There are more?” Adrien asks. 

Master Fu looks to the clock. “How much time do you have?” 

—«·»—

“Do you think we’ll regret not fixing this?” Chat asks. 

Ladybug sighs. “I don’t know.” She rests her head on Chat’s shoulder. “But that’s kind of scary, right? That we could fix it but…the world could like…end or something because of it.”  

Chat studies his ring. “No wonder Hawkmoth wants these.” 

Ladybug shudders. “Let’s not talk about that.” 

“Okay, let’s not.” He wraps an arm around his shoulder. “We’re going to have to figure this out, aren’t we?” 

She sighs. “Yeah, I guess. But for now, this is fine. Maybe we’ll just get used to it.” 

“That sounds like a terrible option.” 

“It works, though. We’ll just be immune to pain.” 

Chat laughs. “Okay, I don’t think that’s how that works, but okay. We can pretend.” 

“We can pretend,” she agrees. After a moment she sits up. “I really do love you,” she says. “You know that, right?” 

Chat blinks. “You said that last night.”

She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, but I wasn’t sure if you really…” She puffs up her cheeks. “You know, like… _ love you _ .”   

Chat tilts his head. “I love you too.” 

Ladybug shakes her head and takes Chat’s face in her hands. “I  _ love _ love you,” she says. She leans forward and kisses him, and if kissing Ladybug didn’t feel like being awake for the first time in weeks, Chat would think he was dying. 

“Oh,” he says when Ladybug pulls away. 

“Oh?” she asks with a smile. 

“I  _ love _ love you too,” he says, and kisses her again. 

One day, they’ll probably have to figure out how to fix this, but for now, they can just keep the pain at bay. And for now, that’s enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> whoooooo im dead now i wrote like 4k of this today i have Regrets
> 
> [im on tumblr if youre interested](http://sadrien.tumblr.com)


End file.
